The Medication
by A. L. Nowicki
Summary: Sequel to The Bleach Pen. Jerry dates the actress who dumped George. Kramer and his girlfriend take advantage of a new restaurant's dining policy. Crazy Joe Davola is back, and is coming after Jerry and Elaine. Rated T for a kidnapping.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of these characters except for Tessie and Casprine/Kirkley. Also, Forren Island is NOT a real place. I made it up.

**Summary**: Jerry dates the famous Broadway star that dumped George. Kramer and his girlfriend take advantage of a new restaurant's dining policy. Crazy Joe Davola has broken out of prison and wants to kill Jerry and Elaine.

**Author's Note**: Once again, I don't know why I'm posting this story on here. It's a horrible story. But it's the story that comes after "The Bleach Pen" and before "The Schizophrenic," so I feel the need to finish out the miniseries. Anyway, this story isn't exactly a comedy; it's more of a drama/fantasy. If that's not the kind of thing you want to read, feel free to leave this story...you've been warned. But if you're curious, by all means, stay!

* * *

**The Appendicitis Medication**

A _Seinfeld_ Story

Jerry Seinfeld set his empty bowl of cereal aside and reached for his glass of orange juice. Holding the juice glass is one hand, and a couple of pills in the other, he swallowed the medicine quickly.

Jerry was still on medication from his appendectomy two weeks ago, but he was starting to pull his life back together. Last night had been his first show in two and a half weeks, and it had gone pretty well. Overall, his life was just about where it was before the appendicitis had struck. His parents still called every day to make sure he was feeling okay, and he still had some episodes of fatigue throughout the day, but he was getting healthier and healthier as time went on. However, he hadn't seen Kramer for a week and a half.

That was soon to change. While downing his glass of orange juice, Jerry heard a huge THUMP from across the hall. Someone had set some heavy pieces of luggage on the floor.

Next thing Jerry knew, his door was flying open and Cosmo Kramer was invading his space once again.

"Hey, Jerry! Great to finally see you, buddy!" Kramer exclaimed, going over to him. "How are you doing? Are you feeling alright? Boy, wait until I tell you about Forren Island! It's amazing! I was scheduled to come home a couple of days ago, but I decided to stay; I was just having so much fun!" Forren Island was the island in the middle of the north Atlantic that Kramer's girlfriend, Tessie Guaverra, had grown up on. Apparently, the island was American-owned, but Jerry had never heard of it, probably because it was so small. "The beach was _amazing_, Jerry! Look at how tanned I am!"

"Wow, it _looks_ like you had fun," Jerry said, taking his borrowed suitcase back from Kramer, who, in Jerry's opinion, didn't look any more tanned than normal. "I saw you on TV. I'm so sorry your girlfriend…what's her name…didn't win her Oscar."

"Her name is Tessie, Jerry, and she wasn't expecting to win anyway."

"How'd you meet her?"

"Yankees game," Kramer shrugged, opening the refrigerator and taking out a nectarine. He chomped into it. "George gave me a ticket for the owner's box, and she was sitting in the next row over. She just _loves_ baseball, Jerry. They're all _over _baseball on the island."

"So you really tore into Forren Island, huh?"

"Like a monkey into a cupcake," Kramer nodded happily. "Have you ever been there, Jerry?"

"No."

"Well, you ought to go!"

"I'll go sometime," said Jerry, sighing tiredly.

Kramer cocked his head to the side and looked at his friend. "Boy, you just got up, and you seem pretty tired."

"Yeah, it's this medication! My surgery was two weeks ago, Kramer, and the doctors still want me on all this medication!" He gestured to the mess of orange pill bottles on the counter, and started pointing out specific ones. "See that one there? That makes me _really_ tired. I take one of those pills, and twenty minutes later, I'm completely knocked out. And see those there? I can't take them with alcohol, or else I get violently sick all over everything."

"You poor thing!"

"Yeah, yeah. And here are some vitamin pills they want me on."

"You know, that's a good idea," Kramer said, thinking aloud. "Maybe I should start taking vitamin pills, too. I don't want to get appendicitis."

"No, you don't," Jerry agreed. "Believe me, you don't _ever _want--"

Jerry was interrupted when the buzzer buzzed. He went over and pressed the button. "Yeah?"

"It's George," came George Costanza's voice.

"Come on up." Jerry buzzed him in, and within minutes, George Costanza burst through the door of Jerry's apartment.

"Well, it's over, Jerry. It's all over. She's not returning my calls anymore," George said bitterly.

"Who's not returning your calls?"

"Kirkley."

"Kirkley!" Kramer yelled. "George, speaking of Kirkley, how come you never even _told_ me about her? Come on, aren't we friends?"

"Who's Kirkley?" asked Jerry, confused. Kirkley and George's entire relationship had taken place while he was sick with appendicitis.

"Kirkley King. She's from Boston. I met her in the coffee shop sometime when you were sick," George explained hotly.

"Wait…why does that name sound so familiar?" Jerry asked.

George sighed heatedly. "You know…Kirkley King…_Casprine Sterling_, Jerry?"

"Casprine Sterling!" Jerry yelped. "The Broadway star?!?? You saw Casprine Sterling in OUR coffee shop? The one just down the street?"

"Yeah. It was a couple of weeks ago. We had one date, decided to be friends, and now she's not returning my calls!"

"Oh, George, Casprine Sterling is one of my mother's favorite actresses!" Jerry exclaimed.

"Yeah, Tessie and I saw her at the Oscars," Kramer said dismissively. "Boy, she's awfully snooty. She thinks she's too good for everyone else!"

"No she's not, Kramer. She's just very modest," George explained. "It's her trademark. She can't accept a compliment from anyone."

"Oh, really?" Jerry asked, interested.

* * *

That night, Kramer and Tessie were having dinner at Saggy Joe Benny's, a new restaurant in downtown Manhattan. 

"My steak is too rare," Kramer complained.

Tessie shrugged. "Tell the waiter. He'll take it back."

"Okay." Kramer caught the attention of a nearby waiter. "Excuse me, my steak is too rare, and I ordered it medium well."

"Oh, well, if you're unsatisfied with your meal, we'll take it back without charging you for it, and we'll give you another meal for free," the waiter explained, clearing Kramer's plate. "That's our policy."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes, sir. You won't have to pay for anything."

Kramer grinned. "All right then, get me a bowl of _fettucine alfredo_." As the waiter left, he turned to Tessie. "When he comes back, complain about _your_ meal. We'll both be eating for free!"

"No! What's the point? My steak is fine!"

"Oh, come on, you have to."

"_No_, Kramer."

* * *

"And so the waiter gave me a free meal!" Kramer finished. It was the next day, and he and George were in the coffee shop. 

"So, you just complained that you didn't like how your steak was done, and they gave you another meal for free?" George asked, impressed.

"Yep!"

"I've gotta try this place!" exclaimed George excitedly.

Suddenly, the door to the coffee shop opened, and Elaine Benes walked in. Looking nervous, she chewed on the end of her finger as she sat down to Kramer and George's booth.

"Elaine, what's the matter? You look a little shaken!" Kramer said. "Are you okay?"

Elaine shook her head. "No. He's back!"

"Who's back?"

"Crazy Joe Davola."

"_Crazy Joe Davola_!" George shrieked. "Did he break out of prison?"

"No, they let him out."

"They _let_ him out? How could they let that _nutcase_ out of prison!?!?"

"I don't know, they just did," Elaine gulped. "I read it in the newspaper yesterday. I almost threw up." She gulped again. "Now I'm in danger, Jerry's in danger…I just don't know what to do!!"

"There, there, Elaine." Kramer reached over to hug her. He patted her on the back. "Maybe you should go see your shrink."

"I am. I have an appointment in a few minutes. I've been spending a lot of time at my shrink." Elaine tried to straighten herself out. "I just came by to ask you not to tell Jerry about it, okay? I don't want to worry him. He has enough on his mind already, with his appendicitis and catching up on work and all."

"Yeah, poor Jerry," Kramer whistled. "Yesterday, he showed me all the medicine he's on. He has his own little pharmacy in his kitchen!"

"Yeah. Well, I'll see you two later, okay?" Elaine offered.

"See you, Elaine. Take care," George said.

"Keep calm," Kramer added.

No sooner had Elaine left than Jerry walked in.

"Jerry, where have you been?" Kramer demanded.

"I was downtown seeing _The English Patient_ on Broadway," Jerry answered, smiling. (**Author's Note**: _The English Patient_ has never been on Broadway. Just my idea of a Seinfeld joke.)

"_The English Patient_…oh, no. Kirkley's in that," George cried. "You're still obsessing over Kirkley, aren't you? I've told you a hundred times, Jerry. _No_, I'm _not_ giving you her number!"

"Why not?"

"Because…because I don't think that someone like her would really care for someone like you," George finished, sighing.

"What's wrong with me?" Jerry pouted. "Why wouldn't she like me?"

"Because you're a comedian."

"So?"

"_So_? Jerry, she doesn't like to laugh. In her opinion, there are too many bad things in this world. She can't waste time laughing!"

"I bet I can make her laugh," Jerry said, confident.

"And also, she's very emotional, Jerry. In fact, she's overemotional. You hate emotional girls!"

"Remember Bette Midler's understudy?" Kramer added.

"Oh, come _on_!" Jerry rolled his eyes. "I can open up my emotions too, you know! I have feelings!"

"And, she lives by very strict moral standards, Jerry. No sex until she's married!"

Jerry froze. "Well," he began slowly. "If she can wait, I'll wait too. I've never pushed anyone into sex. I did date a virgin once, you know! And I won second place in the Contest!"

"_Fine_! You think you can do it? You think you can date her? Go ahead, call her!" George yelled angrily, reaching into his coat pocket for the piece of paper that held Kirkley King's cell phone number. He slammed it down on the table. Without looking back, he stormed angrily out of the coffee shop.

* * *

**Author's Note**: To be continued in additional segments! (I wanted to try something new instead of posting the entire story all at once. It lessens the burden on the readers.) 


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note**: Here's part two of "The Medication," for those that wish to read it. Enjoy!

* * *

Elaine was at her shrink's office, lying on the couch and clutching a tissue in her hand. "I know I have a lot of anxiety, but I have a right to be on edge," she sniffled. "My friend, he's getting over appendicitis, and his life is in danger, too!" 

"There, there, Elaine," said Dr. Reston calmly, handing her another tissue. "Everything's going to be okay. I checked with some people downtown, and it seems as if Joe Davola is currently managing a brand new restaurant. He's benefiting society, Elaine. People who benefit society aren't usually vengeful."

Elaine dabbed at her eyes. "But you don't understand. This is _Crazy Joe Davola_!"

* * *

Jerry hung up his phone triumphantly as Kramer burst through his door. 

"Guess what," Jerry said proudly. "I did it! I just made a date with Casp—with _Kirkley_ at the coffee shop!"

"You're kidding!" Kramer exclaimed.

"No! I'm meeting her there in a few minutes!" Jerry went over to put on his coat. "It took a little convincing on my part, but I was gentle, I was calm, I was understanding…I asked her for one cup of coffee, nothing else…and she agreed!" Jerry paused. "Wow. Wait until I tell my mother. I should fly my parents up this weekend!"

"Well, tonight Newman and I are off to Saggy Joe Benny's to get free meals," Kramer said. "If Tessie won't take advantage, Newman will. And George is coming, too."

Jerry rolled his eyes. "Well, good luck."

"Thanks, buddy. Good luck with you-know-who."

Jerry just grinned at him and left.

* * *

A few minutes later, Jerry was sitting in a booth at the coffee shop, watching the front door. His breath caught in his throat when he saw Casprine Sterling step through the door, looking radiant in a long black cloak, with dark hair once again. Jerry immediately waved to get her attention, and she walked over to where he was seated. 

"Hi, I'm Jerry Seinfeld," Jerry said warmly, jumping out of his seat and taking one of her hands in both of his. "You must be Kirkley."

"Jerry Seinfe--" she started whispering quietly, but then bit her lip and quivered.

_Oh, no_, Jerry panicked silently. _Did she recognize me as a comedian? Is it true she hates to laugh? But that's ridiculous. What sort of woman doesn't like to laugh?_

Jerry kept a warm smile on his face and helped her to sit down. "Here, have a seat. Get warm. I'll order you a cup of tea."

Jerry continued to talk to her pleasantly until the waitress brought her a cup of tea. The waitress set the tea in front of Kirkley, and then looked her up and down.

"Hey, I've seen you in here before," the waitress said. "Are you that actress Casprine Sterling?"

"I haven't the faintest idea of what you're talking about," Kirkley said simply.

"She gets that a lot," Jerry added.

The waitress shrugged and walked away. Kirkley faced Jerry.

"So, Jerry, may I ask how you got my number?" Kirkley asked.

"Well, I've always been a huge fan of yours," Jerry began. "And when my friend George Costanza told me about you, I asked him for your number." When Kirkley groaned, Jerry hastily added, "Not that I'm like George in any way. In fact, he and I are somewhat of opposites. But I'm still a big fan of yours, and I've always wanted to meet you. I loved you in _The English Patient_. I just saw the musical the other day on Broadway."

Kirkley looked into Jerry's eyes and smiled. "Why thank you, Jerry."

As Jerry reached for her hand and looked deep into her eyes, something inside of him went off. _Wait a minute_, he thought. _I thought she didn't take compliments! But she just said thank you!_

Jerry forgot all about his appendicitis and his medication as he leaned forward for a kiss. _Oh, what the heck. I'm in love._

* * *

Meanwhile, Newman, Kramer, and George were at Saggy Joe Benny's. 

"Excuse me," George complained to the waiter. "I ordered my burger well done, but it seems to be burnt."

"Yeah, mine's burnt too," Kramer whined.

"And mine," Newman added, "seems to have a 'mild' southwestern zest instead of the 'x-treme' zest that I was promised."

"I'm terribly sorry. We won't charge you for your meals. Would you like something else on the menu for free?" the waiter offered.

"A steak, cooked medium rare," Newman said excitedly.

"Pasta primavera," George added.

"And lasagna for me," came Kramer.

As the waiter took their new orders to the kitchen, the three of them looked at each other and grinned with satisfaction.

* * *

Elaine sat down on her bed, picked up the phone, and dialed information. 

"Information," the operator said upon answering.

"Yes, I want to know all of the new restaurants that have opened in downtown Manhattan within the past three months," Elaine said.

There was a pause as the operator looked it up. "Well, I have only one listed. It's on Broadway and 85th Street, and it's called Saggy Joe Benny's."

* * *

The next morning, Jerry and George were in Jerry's apartment. 

"She seemed pretty nervous at first, but I got her some tea and calmed her down," Jerry said, grinning. "She grew to like me. And guess what? I told her that I saw _The English Patient_, and I loved her performance. And she said thank you!"

George's jaw dropped. "She _said thank you_?" he rambled, outraged. "She never says thank you! Whenever I tried to compliment her, she just ignored me!"

"I know! The waitress asked her if she was Casprine Sterling, and she said that she didn't know what the waitress was talking about. And just two minutes later, I told her that I liked her in _The English Patient_, and she accepted the compliment!"

"But she accepts compliments from _nobody_, Jerry! How did you do it?"

Jerry just smiled. "I'm Jerry Seinfeld."

George barely had time to open his mouth when Kramer burst in. "Hey, George!" Kramer exclaimed. "Didn't we have fun at Saggy Joe Benny's last night? I'm going back tonight with Tessie." He turned to Jerry. "We really stuffed ourselves, Jerry!"

George looked disappointed. "You're going with Tessie tonight? Because I really wanted to go back too."

"Oh, you can go with Newman," Kramer offered. "He's looking for someone to go with."

"Go with _Newman_?"

"Yeah."

"I don't know, I'll have to think about that one," George sighed. "Excuse me, I'm going to the bathroom." He headed for Jerry's bathroom and closed the door.

The phone rang, and Jerry headed over to answer it. "Hello?" he asked, picking up the phone.

While Jerry was on the phone, Kramer poured himself a bowl of cereal in Jerry's kitchen, and decided to take a vitamin pill with his cereal. After all, he didn't want appendicitis like Jerry.

Staring at the mess of pill containers on Jerry's counter, Kramer picked up the one he thought was Jerry's vitamins. Unfortunately, he picked the wrong one, and accidentally ended up taking one of the pills that made Jerry violently sick with alcohol.

George came out of the bathroom. "All right," he sighed. "I'll go ask Newman if he wants to go to Saggy's with me tonight."

Kramer gave him the thumbs-up through a mouthful of cereal. "Giddy-up!"

* * *

Elaine walked into Saggy Joe Benny's and approached the head waiter. "Excuse me, may I speak to the manager?" 

"Yes, certainly," the head waiter replied, and pointed her toward his office.

Elaine took a deep breath and approached the manager's office. This was the only way she could find out if Saggy Joe Benny's was being run by Crazy Joe Davola.

The door to the manager's office was wide open. Elaine carefully crept in. "Hello?" she cried out. "Is anyone here?"

Hearing a noise behind her, Elaine whipped around to find the manager closing and locking the office door.

"Hello, Elaine," sneered Crazy Joe Davola. "Long time, no see."

And before Elaine could scream, Crazy Joe had leapt upon her and clamped a hand over her mouth.

* * *

Back at Jerry's apartment, Jerry was swallowing his afternoon regimen of medication when the buzzer sounded. He went over and pressed the button. "Yeah?" 

"Jerry, it's me!" sobbed a familiar voice. "It's Kirkley! Can I please come up? It's an emergency!" Kirkley sounded hysterical; Jerry could hear her crying.

"Yes, yes, of course!" Jerry said, concerned. He pressed the button to let her in. Within minutes, Kirkley King had run into Jerry's apartment and slammed the door behind her.

"What's wrong?" asked Jerry softly. "Here, let me help you over to the couch. Would you like a drink of water?"

But Kirkley was too upset to listen to him. She was bawling, her head buried in her hands.

Jerry calmly put his arms around her and helped her over to his couch, where he put a blanket around her shoulders. He then went to the kitchen and poured her a glass of water.

"Here, sip slowly," Jerry asked quietly, handing her the glass of water. He got some tissues from the coffee table and started drying her tears. "Now, what's wrong?"

Kirkley was still crying, but she managed to get the words out. "They…they… they f-followed me here, J-Jerry!"

"Who followed you here?"

"The p-paparazzi!"

"Paparazzi?" Jerry hugged her and patted her back. "Some paparazzi recognized you?"

"Yeah! I was sitting in the coffee shop, just having a cup of tea, and all of a sudden, I was surrounded," she bawled. "Your place was the only place I could think of to go!!! And they followed me here!!"

"They followed you here?"

"Yeah, just look out your window!!"

Jerry crossed to the window and looked down. Sure enough, a mob of people with cameras was staked out at the entrance of his building. "Wow," he said quietly.

"Yeah," Kirkley said, upset. "I'm—I'm just not used to this!! Nobody ever follows me back home!!"

Jerry went back over to the couch and put his arms back around her. "There, there. Don't you worry, I'm going to take care of everything!"

Inside, Jerry's heart was pounding. _She cares about me, _he gulped. _She came to my apartment; she really trusts me and cares about me!_

* * *

Down the hall, George knocked on Newman's apartment door. 

"Yes?" Newman asked gleefully, opening the door.

"Hey, Newman, Kramer's going back to Saggy's tonight with his girlfriend. So did you want to go with me? Because I really want to go!"

"Sure, I'll go!" Newman exclaimed. "In fact, let's go right now!"

* * *

**Author's Note**: And so the plot thickens. Feel free to leave a review! 


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note**: Here's chapter three of our weird adventure...

* * *

Kramer sat across from Tessie at a table at Saggy Joe Benny's. 

"What would you like to drink, sir?" the waiter asked him.

"I'd like a glass of red wine," Kramer said, completely oblivious that he had taken the wrong pill.

In the manager's office, Elaine was tied tightly to a chair, a gag over her mouth, trying her hardest not to cry. _This is it, _she thought. _This is the end of my life. Goodbye, Jerry. I hope you know that I've always loved you. What I wouldn't give for you to walk through that door, untie me, and just hold me in your arms…_

Crazy Joe Davola was sitting at his desk, stroking the blade of a knife he had taken from the kitchen. He put the knife down on his desk, walked over to Elaine, and began stroking her chin instead.

"Ah, Elaine," he said softly. "Nervous? You shouldn't be, my sweet one."

Tears slid down Elaine's cheeks as she began to panic.

"As a matter of fact," Joe continued, "let's just call your friend Jerry and let him know you're okay." He reached for the phone, picked up the receiver, and dialed Jerry's number.

* * *

Over at Jerry's apartment, the lights were dark. Jerry had turned on the CD player to "Unchained Melody," and Jerry and Kirkley were slow dancing in the darkness. 

Jerry had been surprised to learn that Kirkley King really didn't come from Boston; she had moved there several years ago from Forren Island, after both of her parents had died. She had been working for a finance company in Boston when she had had a dream; a dream of her father telling her to change her name to Casprine Sterling and become an actress. The very next day, she had gone to sign up for acting classes.

Jerry couldn't remember the last time he had slow danced, but he felt very protective of the woman in his arms. He slowly rocked her back and forth to the music, his arms wrapped tightly around her.

"This is what you do on dates in Forren Island?" Jerry whispered to her.

"Yes," she whispered back. "We can stop if you feel too uncomfortable, Jerry."

"Oh, no. I haven't slow danced in a long time, but I'm enjoying this. I really am."

Kirkley smiled. "_Ghost_ is my favorite movie. I love the good old romance movies."

"I love the good old romance movies only when I have a woman in my arms."

"Tonight's your lucky night."

Jerry and Kirkley danced until the song was over. Jerry reached over and turned off the stereo. "Come on, let's sit on the couch. I want to kiss you," he said quietly, brushing back some of her hair and looking into her eyes.

"Jerry--" Kirkley began quietly.

"Only kissing, nothing else. I promise."

Jerry and Kirkley both sat down the couch, where Jerry wrapped his arms around her and began kissing her passionately. "I love you."

"I love you too, Jerry," said Kirkley gently.

The couple resumed kissing, but weren't kissing for long when the phone rang.

"Who could be calling?" Jerry asked, annoyed. He reached over to answer it. "Hello?" he demanded.

"JERRY!!! Jerry, you've got to help me!!!! I'm being—AAAHHHHHHHH!!!" Elaine screamed hysterically as Joe Davola clamped a hand back over her mouth.

"Elaine?" asked Jerry, confused. "Elaine, is that you?"

"That _was _your friend Elaine, Jerome Seinfeld," Joe Davola said carefully over the phone. "And if you ever want to see her alive again, you'll come down to Saggy Joe Benny's and have a talk with myself, the manager—Joe Davola."

"Crazy Joe Davola!!" Jerry gasped. "Don't--- DON'T KILL HER!!"

"Just get down here!" Joe slammed down the phone. Jerry put down the receiver in a panic.

"Kirkley, I've got to leave. My friend Elaine, she's being held hostage by a crazy man. He'll kill her!" Jerry panicked.

"I'll go with you," Kirkley said immediately, getting up from the couch.

"No, you stay here."

"Jerry, I'm coming. I can't stay here alone in your apartment. I'd be too uncomfortable. Besides, I can call the police when we get there."

"Okay, fine. Come on." Jerry started for the door, but remembered the paparazzi. "The fire escape!" he yelled to Kirkley. "Come on, it's through my bedroom window."

Jerry and Kirkley went to Jerry's bedroom to go out the fire escape.

* * *

The first thing that Jerry and Kirkley saw when they walked into Saggy Joe Benny's was George and Newman. They were sitting by a table near the entrance, pigging out on pasta primavera. 

"George!" Jerry gasped. "Elaine's being held hostage in the manager's office!"

"_Elaine's being held hostage in the manager's office_?"

"Yes! We've got to save her!"

"Elaine!" Newman cried. "My dear Elaine!"

George and Newman both jumped out of their seats and headed toward the manager's office. But before they could get there, they spotted Kramer and Tessie's table.

"Hey you guys, Elaine's being held hostage in the manager's office!" Newman exclaimed. "We've got to save her!"

"You're kidding!" Tessie exclaimed.

"No, he's not!" Jerry cried.

"Okay, come on, Kramer," said Tessie, getting up from her chair. But Kramer remained seated, holding his stomach.

"I don't think I can go with you guys. I'm feeling kind of nauseous," he admitted. "I think the wine is bad wine."

"Boy, that's a complaint if I ever heard one," said George gleefully. "Newman, after we rescue Elaine, you and I are ordering wine!"

"I'm _serious_, George!" Kramer said, upset. "I really don't feel that well!"

"Okay, you stay here, Kramer. Come on, you guys," said Jerry, leading Kirkley, George, Newman, and Tessie to the manager's office.

The five of them stopped just outside the manager's door and huddled. "We need a plan," Jerry said. "Crazy Joe Davola's in there, and he's going to kill Elaine!"

"No, we don't need a plan," said Kirkley. "I know what to do." And, much to everyone's shock and surprise, Kirkley King marched right into the manager's office, where Crazy Joe Davola was threatening the tied-up Elaine with a knife from the kitchen.

"Joseph Davola, you let that woman go IMMEDIATELY!" Kirkley screamed at him.

"Ah, it's Madam Kirkley. Queen Kirkley the First," Crazy Joe smiled. "She's come to save her little friend."

Jerry just stared at Kirkley. "Kirkley, you _know _Crazy Joe Davola?"

"We went to opera school together on Forren Island," Kirkley retorted.

"Ah, opera school," Jerry nodded.

Kirkley turned back to Crazy Joe. "I am your leader, and you are my subject, and I command you to let that woman go," she said firmly.

"Never," said Crazy Joe simply.

Kirkley turned to Tessie. "Tessie, untie Elaine and tie up Joe instead."

"Madam Kirkley, how do you suggest I do that? He'll _kill _me with that knife!" exclaimed Tessie.

"Wait, wait," said George, confused. "Tessie, why are you calling her 'Madam?'"

"Yeah, and Kirkley, what kind of authority do _you_ possess over Crazy Joe Davola?" Jerry asked her.

Kirkley and Tessie looked at each other. "You explain," said Kirkley simply.

"Well, Kirkley's last name isn't 'King' for nothing," Tessie began. "She descends from a long line of people who have been the royal rulers of Forren Island. Her ancestors have been kings and queens. Of course, we don't have a monarchy anymore, being run by America, but everyone from Forren Island is still expected to respect Kirkley and her family."

"That's right," said Crazy Joe, grinning. He continued to finger his knife. "But we aren't on Forren Island now, are we? So I don't have to obey _you_. I don't have to obey _anybody_!" He crossed over to Elaine, where he stuck the knife at her throat. "And now, if you'd all stand back, I'm afraid I have an old friend to kill."

But before he could do that, Kramer appeared in the doorway to the manager's office. "Don't do it!" he gasped, clearly in agony as he continued to hold his stomach.

"What are you going to do to stop me?" Crazy Joe taunted.

In response, Kramer staggered over to Crazy Joe Davola and got violently sick all over him.

* * *

**Author's Note**: The last part is coming up shortly. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note**: And here is the final installment of our adventure!

* * *

After Kramer stopped Crazy Joe from killing Elaine, Kirkley called the police, who came to arrest Crazy Joe Davola. Then George went to call the paramedics for Elaine, who was so shaken from the incident that she needed a doctor's care. While they waited for the paramedics to arrive, Kirkley and Tessie sat with Elaine, while Jerry sat with Kramer, who was trying to pull himself back together after being sick.

"Kramer, did you _know_ about Kirkley? Did you _know_ that she's considered royalty on Forren Island, and not just for her talent?" Jerry asked him.

"Yeah, I knew. Tessie told me."

"Then why didn't you _tell_ me?"

"I thought you knew. I thought George told you!"

"I don't think _George_ knew, either," Jerry said truthfully. He sighed. "George was right all along. She really is out of my league. I can't date her, Kramer."

"What are you talking about, Jerry? These famous movie stars, they just want to be treated the same as everybody else. Before you knew Kirkley was royalty, did you bow down to her and obey her every command? No! You treated her just like any other girlfriend, didn't you, Jerry?"

"Yeah…yeah, I guess I did," Jerry admitted.

"And she liked it, didn't she? She liked the way you treated her before. So don't change it, Jerry. Who cares if she's royalty? Who cares if she has a few Tonys? She's your girlfriend, so treat her like your girlfriend."

Jerry paused. "You know, Kramer, I think you're right."

"See? What did I tell you? You said you were going to have your parents up to meet her. Are you still going to do that?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I am! As soon as I get home, I'm flying my parents up from Florida to meet her." He paused again. "You took my medicine, didn't you? The pills that make me sick with alcohol? That's why you got sick."

"Yeah. I wanted to take a vitamin, but I guess I reached for the wrong container."

"I'm sorry. I'll keep my pills in the bathroom from now on," Jerry apologized.

"All right, buddy."

* * *

George came back into the office. "The paramedics are here," he announced.

"Good." Tessie turned to Elaine and refilled her mug of tea, while Kirkley tightened the blanket around her. "You're okay, Elaine. You're just a little shaken, you'll be all right," Tessie soothed Elaine.

Elaine nodded. "I need to talk to my shrink."

"We'll call him for you," said Kirkley kindly. "By the way, Elaine, what's your last name?"

"Benes. Elaine Benes."

"Benes," said Tessie aloud. "Are you related to that writer Alton Benes?"

Elaine was surprised that Tessie knew who he was. "Yes. Yes, he's my father."

Tessie turned to Kirkley. "Wasn't Alton Benes born on Forren Island?"

* * *

A couple of days later, Jerry had flown his parents up from Florida to meet Kirkley. The four of them sat at a table in Saggy Joe Benny's for dinner.

"Jerry, you are truly kidding me," said Helen Seinfeld, wide-eyed, as she watched Kirkley King come through the front door of the restaurant and remove her long black cloak. "My son, dating Casprine Sterling…"

Jerry ignored her and faced both of his parents. "Now listen, both of you," he whispered. "Don't ask her anything about her career, because you know she'll just deny it."

"They say she's the most modest person in the world," breathed Morty. "And the most beautiful woman alive."

"And call her by her _real_ name, Kirkley King. If you try to call her Casprine Sterling, she'll just deny it," Jerry continued. "Treat her like any other woman I've introduced you to."

"Right," Helen nodded, still staring at Kirkley as the head waiter led her to their table.

"Hi, Jerry," smiled Kirkley, reaching for his hand and squeezing it.

"Hi, Kirkley," said Jerry excitedly, giving her a brief hug and helping her to sit down. "I'd like to introduce you to my parents. This is Morty and Helen Seinfeld; they're from Florida. Mom and Dad, this is Kirkley."

"Pleased to meet you," said Helen pleasantly, and held out her hand. Kirkley looked at Jerry, confused.

"She wants to shake your hand," Jerry said patiently. "It's what we do when we meet people."

"Oh! Silly me," Kirkley blushed, and reached for Helen's hand. "I apologize. I'm from Forren Island, that's in the middle of the Atlantic, and we do things a bit different."

"That's all right. What do you do when you meet people in Forren Island?" Helen asked.

"If we're all sitting down, we would just nod hello. If we would be standing up, then I would curtsy to each of you."

"Ah," Morty nodded.

"I don't know why things are so different over there. I was a History major in school, with a concentration in local history, and I'm still trying to figure it out!" Kirkley continued.

"You've been to college?" asked Helen, impressed.

"Yes. I went to the University of Forren Island. Just last year, I was awarded an honorary master's degree in…in another field," she finished uneasily.

Morty and Helen both nodded, interested. "So, how did you meet Jerry?" Morty asked.

"We met through George," Jerry cut in. Kirkley nodded.

"You met through _George Costanza_?" asked Helen in disbelief.

Before either of them could reply, Uncle Leo walked in to Saggy Joe Benny's. He saw Jerry and his parents immediately.

"Jerry, _hello_!" cried Uncle Leo.

"Hello, Uncle Leo," said Jerry, rolling his eyes.

"Hello, Leo," said Morty and Helen simultaneously, not sounding at all excited.

"Why haven't you paid Helen the six hundred dollars yet?" asked Morty, getting up to face Leo.

"What six hundred dollars?"

"Morty, _please_. I don't even want the money," Helen said, shaking her head.

Morty ignored her. "The six hundred dollars you owe Helen from 1941!" he exclaimed to Leo angrily.

"I DON'T OWE HER SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS!!"

While Leo and Morty were at each other's throats, Helen turned to Kirkley. "I'm so sorry, they act like such children. Does your family ever fight, Kirkley?"

Kirkley looked upset. A tear rolled down her cheek. "I don't have any family," she whispered, barely audible.

"Oh, honey, I'm so sorry!" Helen cried. She reached for Kirkley's hand. "I didn't mean to upset you!" Kirkley just wiped another tear.

At that moment, George and his parents walked into the restaurant. "Mom, Dad, you _have_ to try the pasta primavera," George was saying to his parents.

Estelle Costanza spotted the Seinfelds immediately. She walked over and began screaming at Helen. "HOW COME YOU NEVER COME TO DINNER WHEN WE INVITE YOU?!?!?" she bellowed. "That one time, I made all that paella--"

"We were _busy_, Estelle. We had other plans," Helen snapped.

"YOU COULD HAVE AT LEAST CALLED AND TOLD US YOU WEREN'T COMING!!!"

Kirkley watched all of the fighting from her chair, then shook her head in annoyance and got up. "I'm sorry, Jerry," she apologized. "But I can't stay here. I'm leaving."

"Why?" asked Jerry, jumping up and grabbing her hand to keep her from leaving. "Please, don't leave! My family is _always_ like this."

"I _can't be_ with you, Jerry. Your family is just too weird," Kirkley snapped angrily. "Let go of me, I'm going!" She snatched her hand away from Jerry and stormed out of Saggy Joe Benny's.

Jerry watched her disappear; tears welled up in his eyes. Kirkley had been the perfect girlfriend. By his standards, there was absolutely nothing wrong with her. And she had walked out on him. This was the second time that Jerry Seinfeld had cried over a girl, but he couldn't help it; Kirkley had brought his feelings out of him.

Jerry picked up a napkin and wiped the salty discharge from his eyes. Then he took a gulp of wine from his father's glass and reached in his pocket. Inside his pocket was the bottle of medication that made him sick when he took alcohol. He started heading towards the bathroom.

"Jerry, where are you going?" asked George worriedly.

"I'm going to get violently sick," Jerry answered back.

* * *

**Author's Note**: So, how did everyone like the story being split up into four chapters? Was it better? Or would everyone prefer I lump the story into one chapter? Please review to let me know! (Also, how did everyone like the story to begin with?)


End file.
